{"id":227807,"date":"2023-08-24T13:49:26","date_gmt":"2023-08-24T17:49:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/?p=227807"},"modified":"2023-10-05T13:56:07","modified_gmt":"2023-10-05T17:56:07","slug":"two-ways-anxiety-affects-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/two-ways-anxiety-affects-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Two Ways Anxiety Affects Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In my thirty-plus years of counseling, I\u2019ve never seen parents feel as much pressure <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">or<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> as much like failures as they do today. I\u2019ve never had as many parents in tears in my office. And I\u2019ve certainly never seen as many parents who live in a perpetual state of worry.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">How would you say worry affects you, as a parent? I certainly believe, after sitting with parents day in and day out in my office, that not only do you worry more because you are a parent, but those worries affect you differently as well. I list five ways anxiety affects parents in my new book, The Worry-Free Parent, but here I want to highlight two major ways anxiety impacts the parent.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p aria-level=\"2\"><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">1. Anxiety distracts us.<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134245418&quot;:true,&quot;335559685&quot;:480,&quot;335559731&quot;:0,&quot;335559738&quot;:160,&quot;335559739&quot;:80}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">One of the things I hear parents say most often is how distracting anxiety is. In fact, I\u2019ve learned through my work with kids and parents that anxiety and ADHD, particularly the inattentive kind, are almost identical symptomatically. Both cause restlessness, a lack of focus, difficulty regulating emotions, and even sleep impairment. Do any of those sound familiar? Even more specifically, have you ever found yourself<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> not listening to your child because you\u2019re worried about what\u2019s happening next on your schedule?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> unable to remember the conversation you had with your daughter before the birthday party because you were concerned about how she would do once she got to the party?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> unable to laugh and play with your kids, simply because of all that\u2019s pressing in on you?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">There are a million ways worry distracts us on a daily basis. But maybe one of the saddest is that it robs us of time connecting with the kids we love\u2014really connecting in hear-their-words and look-them-in-the-eyes ways. That connection is foundational not only to building but to maintaining your relationship over the long haul. And the long haul really isn\u2019t long enough. We want to be present for these long days and short years. We want to be able to let go of our worries in a way that keeps us in the moment, instead of imagining the future years based more on our anxious distortions than on reality.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p aria-level=\"2\"><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">2. Anxiety makes us attach future meaning to present problems.<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">In my counseling practice with kids and teens, I hear the same refrain from parents every day:\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019m preparing my child well for the future.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cI haven\u2019t had him in travel sports, and now he\u2019ll never be able to keep up at a high school level.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cI haven\u2019t had her in enough Kumon classes or tutoring, and now she won\u2019t be able to get into the right school that will help her get into the right college.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cShe didn\u2019t start cheerleading at four, and now we\u2019ve lost our chance for her to ever make a competitive team.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Do you hear the familiar thread? The parent fears something not done today will negatively impact their child\u2019s tomorrow.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The worries can be over what we believe we haven\u2019t offered them. The sports or academics or lessons or learning opportunities we believe we\u2019ve missed that will hinder our child\u2019s future in some life-altering way. Or the characteristics we haven\u2019t taught. The things we feel \u201call the other parents\u201d have been doing that we haven\u2019t been able to get done. We haven\u2019t started chores. We haven\u2019t been saying our grateful lists at the dinner table.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">We\u2019re not keeping up, which means our children won\u2019t be able to keep up\u2014or measure up\u2014in all the ways that will lead to their success, our anxiety tells us. But it\u2019s simply not true.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The worries can also be over skills or traits our kids currently lack.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cBecause he can\u2019t sit still in kindergarten means he\u2019ll never make it in grade school, and there\u2019s no way he\u2019ll be able to hold a job when he\u2019s older.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cHow will she ever be able to function as an adult when she doesn\u2019t keep her room clean now?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cIf he\u2019s not responsible enough to remember to take out the trash at thirteen, why would I ever believe he\u2019d be responsible enough to drive a car?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cShe thinks about herself all the time as a middle schooler. I\u2019m not sure how she\u2019ll ever be able to have a healthy, caring relationship with another person.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:960,&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559991&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The list goes on and on. In our worry, we become fortune tellers for our kids. We decide what\u2019s happening now will be happening five, ten, even twenty years from now. Or what\u2019s not happening now\u2014either what we missed or the characteristics we believe they\u2019re missing\u2014will handicap them for the rest of their lives.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480,&quot;335559738&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Kids are developing people. Their job is to learn under our roof while they\u2019re still home with us and we can help them learn. Our job is to eventually raise healthy, well-functioning adults. <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Eventually<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> is the key word. They are not those adults yet.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In terms of brain development, the last portions of our brains to develop are the frontal lobes, which house the executive functioning part of our brains. The frontal lobes help develop our working memories, dictate impulse control, help us think logically, manage our emotions, and plan for the future. In the last twenty years, neuroimaging research has taught us those frontal lobes may not be fully developed until approximately age twenty-five.<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">i<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Your eight-year-old isn\u2019t capable of managing her emotions in the same way she will be at eighteen. Your twelve-year-old doesn\u2019t yet have the skills to carry the same responsibilities he will be able to at twenty. Your fourteen-year-old is somewhat narcissistic. It\u2019s a normal and even an important stopover on the journey of development and individuation for all kids. The narcissism will fade. He will get there. And so will she.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Unfortunately, when it comes to the kids we love, our worries take over and cause our shortsightedness to become long reaching. We decide, based on their own developmental immaturity, that something is wrong. They already should be able to _____________ (fill in the blank). Rather than seeing the gap as a normal part of their development, we believe it\u2019s a character flaw. And worse still, one that will mark their lives, both personally and professionally, forever.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What is one way you\u2019ve been fortune-telling about your child\u2019s life? What\u2019s a future, problematic meaning you\u2019ve attached to an area in which they\u2019re still growing?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559731&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Your child is growing into who God has created him or her to be. It is a journey and one that takes many unexpected and messy twists and turns along the way. Think back on your own becoming. What were some of your missteps, and how have they impacted your adulthood? What were some of the clumsier, less mature moments, and how have those contributed to who you are? My guess is that all of them have folded into the strengths, the character, and the wisdom that now mark not only your life but your parenthood. The same will be true for your kids. Trust the process. Trust your child. And trust that there is Someone in charge who is a much better predictor of the future than you or I.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>Excerpted from\u202fThe Worry-Free Parent\u202fby\u202fSissy Goff.\u202fCopyright \u00a9\u202fAugust 2023 by Bethany\u202fPublishing House.\u202fUsed by permission.\u202f<a href=\"http:\/\/www.raisingboysandgirls.com\/\">www.RaisingBoysandGirls.com<\/a>\u202f<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><b>Sissy Goff<\/b>, LPC-MHSP, has worked as the director of child and adolescent counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries since 1993. She speaks to parents and children&#8217;s ministers across the country and is a frequent guest on media outlets such as Southern Living, NBC Nightly News, CNN, Good Morning America, Focus on the Family, That Sounds Fun, Family Life Today, Fox News, and many more. Sissy Goff is the author of 13 books including her latest, The Worry-Free Parent. She co-hosts the chart-topping Raising Boys and Girls podcast, with fellow Daystar Counselor David Thomas. The podcast just celebrated more than 5 million downloads to date. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.raisingboysandgirls.com\/\">www.RaisingBoysandGirls.com<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/raisingboysandgirls\/\">@RaisingBoysandGirls<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In my thirty-plus years of counseling, I\u2019ve never seen parents feel as much pressure or as much like failures as they do today. I\u2019ve never had as many parents in tears in my office. And I\u2019ve certainly never seen as many parents who live in a perpetual state of worry.\u00a0 How would you say worry\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/two-ways-anxiety-affects-parents\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":311,"featured_media":227808,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,35],"tags":[],"coauthors":[358],"class_list":["post-227807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-advice","category-wisdom"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/311"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=227807"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227807\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":227812,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227807\/revisions\/227812"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/227808"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=227807"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=227807"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=227807"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liveoriginal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=227807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}