By the time I got to college, my struggle with the Church and my faith, like many of my Christian peers, was silent. I wasn\u2019t crying out for help or rebelling to get attention, but every day I was wrestling with big questions that I didn\u2019t have the guts to ask anyone. For the first time in my life, I wasn\u2019t certain of exactly what I believed or why. I wasn\u2019t surrounded by lifelong Christians.<\/p>\n
Every day I met people with different religious backgrounds and moral belief systems who aggressively challenged mine, and I was embarrassed when I couldn\u2019t defend why I didn\u2019t drink, sleep with my boyfriend, or cheat on exams.<\/p>\n
Because of these new relationships and intentional conversations, I found myself questioning the rules and religious rituals I had adopted growing up simply by association. I felt more loved by perfect strangers than those in my church community back home.<\/p>\n
I attended standing-room-only campus events with classmates where topics were debated as students sat in open windows and listened from the lawn. I would leave those gatherings asking really important questions. Why did I believe what I believe? What if I was wrong? What if all these other people who were living without so many rules were actually right? Is heaven real? Is God real? Is the Bible relevant for today\u2019s world? Did God really say that?<\/p>\n
For the first time, I was wandering. It was messy, uncomfortable, clumsy, and emotional as I tried to detangle myself from religion and still hold on to the Jesus I knew.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, even when others can\u2019t see it, our wandering is the very thing that is meant to lead us home to God. I think of the story in Luke 2:41\u201352, where Jesus, just a boy, knew he had a call on his life, a mandate, a specific assignment that only he could fulfill, and he found himself on a journey with his parents to Jerusalem for the Feast of Passover. At twelve years old he didn\u2019t need a career day to figure out where his life was headed; he was drawn to the temple and the teachers and he wandered from his parents to sit and learn from those doing the very thing he knew he was called to do.<\/p>\n
The whole time Jesus was in the temple, of course, his parents were searching all over for him, assuming he was somewhere among the pilgrims, relatives, or friends. They were furious that he\u2019d run off and they were frantic to find him. People panic when others wander. And yet the passage notes that \u201cthe teachers were all quite taken with [Jesus], impressed with the sharpness of his answers\u201d (v. 47 MSG). Those on the outside were looking for a lost Jesus, but those to whom he had wandered welcomed him in. What a validating moment it must have been for Jesus to finally feel like he was sitting among those who understood him! Even these scholars could see that at twelve years old, Jesus had something special and unique.<\/p>\n\n\t\t