I\u2019ve been doing my best to walk closely with the Lord for about ten years now. After identifying as a Christian for most of my life and being a \u201cgood kid\u201d I found myself in a broken season my freshman year of college. I felt lost, in over my head, and like I didn\u2019t belong. In that season, Jesus was my life preserver. I had a moment with him that ultimately led to my surrender, in fact the words I said were, \u201cI\u2019ve tried everything and none of it has worked. Take over my life. It\u2019s yours.\u201d And shockingly it was the first time I felt like I could take a deep breath all year. Like there had been a weight on my chest that I hadn\u2019t realized was there until it was gone. When I look back on that season the word that comes to mind is FREEDOM.<\/p>\n
I spent the rest of my college years knowing that I had an encounter, something that marked my life, something that made Jesus real to me for the first time. I spent those years learning what that freedom meant for my life. But it wasn\u2019t until my senior year of college that I actually got serious about knowing Jesus. I wanted to know his character and I wanted to know the Bible better.<\/p>\n
While on my journey to get to know Jesus better over the last decade, God has been so kind. There have been good friends that spurred me on and helped me fight the good fight. There have been opportunities to share the gospel and serve in ministry. He has illuminated the Bible countless times and led me to depths I didn\u2019t know I had. Jesus has proven to be worth it all time and time and again.<\/p>\n
So tell me why at a conference earlier this year, did I realize that I\u2019m not actually as free as I thought I was all these years?<\/p>\n
You see, a pastor had gotten up on stage at a youth pastors\u2019 conference and shared a story about these men who had been trapped in a mine for 70 days. I\u2019ll butcher the story if I go too detailed so here are the cliffnotes. These men were ultimately rescued, which is obviously amazing. Then Time Magazine went back and checked on them about a year later. What they found were men who had been physically rescued but many of whom were not living free. Some were abusing substances, some sleeping on the floor when there was a perfectly good bed next to them, some living with crippling anxiety. These men had obviously experienced something extremely traumatic. But often times we think the work is done once someone is saved, the truth is the work is usually just beginning. There is almost a need for second rescue. This pastor shared this story and then asked the question, \u201cHow many of us need a second saving?\u201d<\/p>\n
And it struck me. My surrender moment as a freshman was that life preserver, pull you from the depths kind of saving that set me free to know and love Jesus. But there is another freedom that had been just out of my reach and not because it wasn\u2019t available to me. I was sucked into this thought that salvation and surrender, while a HUGE step, was all I could receive. But Jesus was calling me deeper than my initial experience of freedom. Isn\u2019t that so kind of Him?<\/p>\n
I felt like the max level for my freedom was awareness of my issues, pain points, or \u201cbaggage\u201d. I thought that as long as I\u2019m aware of these things that cause behaviors or responses I could identify it and put it neatly in its category. For me, that looks like being aware of my tendency to ride the highs of praise and affirmation a little too high, while even the most kind and constructive criticism can make me overthink every small detail. It looks like seeking validation from my husband or doing good things in order to look \u201cgood\u201d. I believe self-awareness is important and I\u2019m a generally positive person, so I thought I had it down!<\/p>\n\n\t\t